The Chemistry of Love

What is love? Love is many things to many people, but like all things bound to the universe, love is nonexistent without some amount of chemistry attached to it. According to scientists, cupid’s arrows would never have been effective if they had not been first dipped in one unromantically named chemical – phenylethylamine. Nor would the human body’s reaction have given us dramas like Romeo and Juliet or The English Patient if oxytocin did not have its way. Together these two chemicals form the chemistry of love.

“Sweaty palms, shaky knees, general restlessness, loss of appetite and the butterflies in the stomach syndrome” are common symptoms of love and are caused by a natural chemical, phenylethylamine (commonly dubbed the “love molecule”), cites Helen Fisher, author of the bestseller Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love. Its release from the brain can be triggered from deceptively simple actions like the meeting of the eyes or the touching of the hands. Heady emotions, racing pulses and heavy breathing results, and all these are (unfortunately) clinically explained as an overdose of this chemical. A very interesting thing is that chocolate is known to have a high level of this chemical…perhaps that’s why it’s considered a perfect Valentine’s Day gift for your sweetheart.

What we know about love is still largely out of our control. For instance, infatuation is supposedly the first stage of falling in love, an unbearable attraction toward someone. This attraction causes a virtual explosion of neurochemicals, similar to adrenalin, which, according to Fisher, “assisted by phenylethylamine (which speeds up the flow of information between cells), dopamine (which makes us glow and feel good), and norepinephrine (which stimulates the production of adrenalin), makes our world go round, our eyes sparkle and our heart beat faster.” Our entire existence then depends on the sight of the person who triggered these reactions to begin with, and as the addiction to the chemical grows stronger, our attraction becomes greater. At this stage, we commit foolish mistakes, which are the stuff puppy love stories are made of. Actually, it is these three chemicals that combine to give us what we call infatuation. We feel energized, as if we’re floating on air. It’s the reason why people who are just falling in love can talk for hours on end (and the lack of these chemicals explains why the same person becomes boring at a later stage).

We can blame our chemicals for everything. Even if we find a person who had all the qualities and attributes necessary to make a great match, we often end up falling in love with the person who possesses none of them. It is, as they say, chemistry. Social obligations, other relationships, sense and sensibility all take a back seat; our mind soars with these natural drugs. No wonder a lover and a madman are said to be alike. This could be the reason why demure, well-raised girls usually fall for wastrels. This subconscious selection of mate gets our phenylethylamines and other chemicals moving. This period when our brain is awash with the love hormones lasts for different durations in different people, between six months to three years. In most of us, it settles down after that. For mercurial people, this high is missed and that’s the reason they need another temporary high – a new relationship means another chemical fix.

In this world of chemical signals, humans are not scientifically considered monogamous; we do not fall under the 3% of the species that are monogamous. The species that stick to one mate usually have a rich flow of another chemical called vasopressin, the monogamy chemical. Experiments done with males injected with this chemical brought out all the evidence needed. Isolating males before and after mating showed that before mating, they are indifferent to all females. But 24 hours after mating, they are hooked for life. The jealous husband syndrome sets in too. Another interesting chemical is oxytoxin, the “cuddling chemical.” It promotes the need to be physically held, have close contact with one’s mate and it makes both the sexes more caring. It can be released simply by a lover’s look, smell or even a fantasy.

So much for the chemistry of infatuation. When infatuation subsides, another chemical takes over, the one responsible for intimate relationships. These chemicals are created by endorphins. They make a relationship steadier, intimate, dependable, warm and a great sharing experience. They do not induce a giddy high, but calmness and stability, which explains why many people do stay married. The longer they are married, the longer two people stay together, because this chemical is addictive. It is endorphins that trigger grief upon a spouse’s death or long separation, those yearnings for togetherness. The two types of attachments can be summed up as follows: Adrenaline love is being in love with the idea of being in love, but thanks to endorphins, we like loving someone.

The Healing Power of Love

Nothing heals better, emotionally, biochemically, physically and mentally than love. Numerous studies prove that love does, indeed, improve our health. These studies look at love not only in the context of male-female primary relationships such as marriage, but also in the context of a person's general social support and connection to others. In other words, these studies examine both relationships where participants are “in love” and those in which we feel love for someone.

Dean Ornish, M.D. has served as a pioneer in this field. In his book Love and Survival: The Scientific Basis for the Healing Power of Intimacy, he reports on many such studies. For example, while feeling loved appears to benefit our heart's health, giving love seems to do the same for our aging process. The results of a study of more than 700 elderly adults showed that the effects of aging were influenced more by what the participants contributed to their social support network than what they received from it. In other words, the more love and support they gave, the more they benefited. As Ornish concludes in his book, "When you feel loved, nurtured, cared for, supported, and intimate, you are much more likely to be happier and healthier. You have a much lower risk of getting sick and, if you do, a much greater chance of surviving."

References:
1. Ornish, Dean. Love and Survival: The Scientific Basis for the Healing Power of Intimacy. 2003.
2. Fisher, Helen. Why we love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love. 2005.
3. Fromm, Erich. The Art of Loving. 1956.